theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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