just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
