i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i came on her dog
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize