You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
