i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
