Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
