dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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