Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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