I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
