Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
