No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
