You made me cry and you don't even care
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
