Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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