My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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