I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
