please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
