so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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