there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
