so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
