I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
