If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
