so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
