She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
