sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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