You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
