she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
