dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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