bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
