Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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