Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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