at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
