too bad you live with your parents still
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
