My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
