I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you would pick up someone in the library
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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