I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
