if you like me you must not know who I am
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
