A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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