she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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