anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
