i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
