If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize