I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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