She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize