The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
