An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
