just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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