hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
