just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
