The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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