Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
