Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
