I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
