I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
