i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
