we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
