Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
