i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
