last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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