how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
