Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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