Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
