Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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