Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
