dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
