epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
