I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
