i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
