I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
