i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
