I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
