i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
