oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
