you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
