That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
