..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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