You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
