true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
