that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
