never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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